thinking about how much i love nea now and like i might cry

she's so fucking sweet 😭

fitting that activity id 900 is that

ruining everything as usual (i’m so good at that!!)

mmm just laying in my bed rn thinking about my nea. and how fucking comfy it’d be to just. fall asleep next to her right now…

hope she can spend the night more next semester or for christmas maybe. just, would be so fucking nice aaa :pleadingcat:

god i love her so much…

the “thing associated with terrible person” to “reassociating that thing with nea” pipeline :pleadingcat:

at work rn and nea came to see me to say goodbye before she goes home, aaaaa i love her so fucking much :pleadingcat: how is she so sweet...

why is her solution to battery being in pocket but wanting to leave phone at table, to unplug it and leave the cable dangling from her pocket, instead of just taking the battery out of her pocket…

brain thinking too much again.

mmm i love my sweetheart so so so much…

i kinda have a guess of where she’s taking me. it’s probably incorrect though

which tbh i’m ok with. maybe she has somewhere more exciting in mind but idk where. and when i asked if it was spaghetti she said no.

but i’m a terrible mess

hhhh i wish i could be cute....

i think i go to bed now.

i'm sorry.

what if i just. emailed jazwares support to try and identify this squishmallow. would be very silly. idk.

learning there's a squishmallow with my deadname is not what i needed to make this day even worse

huh my brain is thinking again about the thing that i've only talked to like two people about ever and i really hate that because like there is a reason i have only ever talked to like two people about it ever

brain please stop 😭

i need more webcage tbh

sometimes i get distracted and my playlist reaches the not-webcage part and i am slightly annoyed

lmao this is so fucking funny (vague)

letting my girlfriend choose my middle name except she hasn’t figured out one still so i’m just middle name-less

weezer music feels so perfect for whatever mood this is

https://music.apple.com/us/album/undone-the-sweater-song/1440878798?i=1440879332

hhh i just want to cry.

it's so nice having gigabit internet tbh. like, at my parents' it's 100/100 which i was always fine with. but it feels so nice to just, look and see oh im pulling like 950Mb/s down from docker hub lol

i feel like i have done good the past couple of days :3 haven’t really been lonely and i haven’t been missing my girlfriend or being needy for her that much :3

i love my sweetheart she's so sweet and amazing and i love her so fucking much

just don't understand how it's possible for a girl to be so amazing, like, aaaaaa :pleadingcat:

what’s the point

blushing so much rn at the thought of living with her someday

about to cry (from happiness) just thinking about getting to live with my girlfriend some day... would be so cute...

kinda needy rn tbh

slight feeling of just. wanting to cry rn.

what if i just like. held her hand rn. that'd be so silly.

eepy and gay rn

she said maybe we could build a nas (network-attached storage) together someday :pleadingcat:

and then i thought of nascar (nea and saige car) for some reason…

NAS NAS: Nea and Saige Network-attached storage

oh, you're straight? that's so uh. uhhhhhh. homophobic. yeah that's so homophobic of you

i love how protected and safe i feel around my girlfriend tbh. or just like. having her jacket and squishmallows to hug makes me feel really safe too tbh. i love her so fucking much :pleadingcat:

reading a hacker news thread and like. the idea that developers who can only write react and not html is so insane to me. like. i’m sure they exist. but like, ???

gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :3 (me)

eepy puppy

my girlfriend and i are currently figuring out the insanity that is making a triangle with css

my girlfriend just said sqlite isn't real sql 😭

anyways postgres and stuff is fake. sqlite is the only real sql and is the only sql anyone ever needs

it’s 75f in here and i am freezing to death :deadAnya:

fuck it. i’ve been so fucking good for like, a really long time. and then when i have to spend a week with my shitty parents i want to die.

this is the most depressed i’ve been in a longggggg time

thinking now like. one time she spent forever making a blurred background thing. and like, ok the app does literally nothing still… why are you investing so much time in this??

reading a hacker news thread and there’s stuff about bandcamp and that just reminds me like. what happened to that bandcamp competitor my terrible ex was contracted for lol

the past week has been a great reminder of why i hate being with my parents.

constant misgendering. deadnaming. always upset with me for something.

regret.

sometimes i wonder like. if she understands just how much i love her :pleadingcat:

cause it’s like. really difficult to express in words i feel like >.< and also im scared that im too needy :(

she’s so amazing though :pleadingcat:

extremely upset with myself because my girlfriend and i were going to call tonight and i told myself i would not fall asleep before then

i fell asleep :(((((((((

saw a selfie of myself but for like 1/2 of a second i thought it was my girlfriend cause im wearing her jacket in it lol

i just wannya hold her hand rn tbh :pleadingcat: would be so cute and comfy :3

sometimes i just like. sit and think for a bit. and realize like. i somehow have the sweetest, most amazing girlfriend ever. and i have like, no idea how. but she makes me so fucking happy and i feel so comforted with her…

i actually just love her so fucking much :pleadingcat:

mmm, am glad i have so many of her squishmallows. they make the distance like. maybe slightly easier.

still really difficult though :((( i miss her so much

at least i do also have her jacket,,,

i won :3

my girlfriend got me to start playing confusing pokemon game and idk what im doing but its kinda fun ig :3

just love her so much tbh :pleadingcat:

how do i express to my girlfriend how thankful i am for how fucking amazing she's been the past few days

like. it's been really difficult for me being so far away from home and not being able to hug her and stuff >.< but every night we've gotten to call for at least a bit and aaaaaa :pleadingcat:

i just want to be acknowledged tbh

i miss my nea so much rn :(

think it's that time of day where i just. lay in bed. and try not to cry.

genuinely just. annoyed rn

sad cause my girlfriend isn't giving me attention rn and like that's all i want.....

completely forgot that directv (satellite) has cheat codes that you can just, type into the search menu, do a keyword search, and hope it works.

how is webcage so fucking good omg

i wish ubiquiti made a travel router 😭

there was the amplifi teleport hardware a long time ago. but that didn’t work with unifi + it’s been dead for so long :(

keep looking at the selfie my girlfriend and i took at the airport this morning before saying goodbye and like, god she’s so fucking cute. and i also look kinda ok in the picture :3

i’m so sleepy now

miss my girlfriend already :(

won’t see her again for a week minimum. probably december 2nd at the earliest :((

sometimes i think about my ex (bad ex) and it’s just like. omfg she’s such an idiot, also how did i ever date her and also i hate her so much for what she did to me…

one time with some friends i said she should stop existing and my girlfriend said “usually id say that’s an over exaggeration but in this case it’s warranted” or something (don’t remember exactly what she said)

mmmm i love my girlfriend so much,,,, she’s so sweet and kind and cute and i just feel so safe with her tbh

new hobby is fucking up the names of java things

started calling quarkus "quack quack" and whatever armenia is "armadillo"

also the other day i accidentally said squeal-ite instead of sequel-ite

i'm so eepy

probably will do it anyways tbh

kinda want to wall mount the u7 pro in my apartment but the radiation patterns are making me feel like that'll not work out great for using my phone in bed...

i have the cutest girlfriend ever.......

still can't believe i get to be her girlfriend,,,,,,,,,,,

i'm so silly rn :3

god i love wearing my girlfriend's jacket so much, it's so fucking soft and cozy and aaaa just don't want to take it off ever.....

might cry

does anyone even care about me,,,

feeling a bit dead rn tbh

tbh this job is like really boring. more people should come so i actually have to like, check people in. instead of just sitting here looking around an empty room.

extremely eepy and gay right now

why am i so attached to hugging my girlfriend’s jackets……

really hope this doesn't fuck things up tbh >.<

i know she struggles a bit with socializing a lot, and i think she's probably kinda had a hard time adjusting to uni and like, being around people a lot? not sure, kinda just guessing...

feel like i annoy my girlfriend a bit tbh but like, i love her too much,,,,,,,

how is it possible for a girl to be as amazing as she is :pleadingcat:

eepy and gay

mmm i love my girlfriend’s jackets so much. so cozy to wear and hug and hold,,,,,

my girlfriend said she's going to go get me a surprise and i am convinced it is spaghetti

i blush so much whenever my girlfriend texts me “ily” aaa

i miss my girlfriend so much,,,,,,,

being a puppy is so cool………

i love my girlfriend so much,,,,,,,

she's actually so amazing :pleadingcat:

every time i hear this song it just confuses me in a way and i don’t understand why https://music.apple.com/us/album/astrid/1539844811?i=1539844814

playing mario party and being sad rn

i miss her :(

knowing that she reads my website sometimes makes me happy tbh :3 (hi nea :3)

god i hate myself so much right now

why am i never good enough? why does nothing ever fucking work out for me?