i am so gay and in love with my girlfriend rn

just laying in bed and day dreaming about her. really hope she spends the night soon :pleadingcat:

splashcat is basically dead right now due to coral auth, but if/when that's no longer an issue im kinda considering reducing the prices for splashcat sponsors by a lot. i think i overestimated the value of them along with trying too hard to stick to easy increments of $5/$50 and no one has ever subscribed lol (through stripe anyways). at least the hosting costs for it aren't terrible, although they've been slowly getting worse >.< and i am employed now (even if i don't get paid much, but that should get better soon) so i can cover it without worrying tooo much (although i'd prefer to put more towards savings for stuff...)

not sure what i'd change them to. maybe i'd completely ditch monthly for at least the lowest tier and make it like, $20/year since it's just cosmetics. higher tiers i could definitely reduce the cost of although they do have the cost of openai stuff (not that expensive though i don't think). idk i was hoping that at least the lowest tier would get some people, and wasn't expecting s+ponsor or xponsor to get much. i just kinda made them cause i thought generating descriptions with funny api by just. giving it a big json string was cool (even though they're not super accurate despite me trying to improve the prompt a bit).

i fucking love being deadnamed 😭

my girlfriend got me a cute necklace for christmas and omg i love this so much it’s so fucking cuteeeeeeeee

this puppy has to choose a stack for her little project to fuck with the servicenow api...

only spending like. two days together over winter break i guess?

suppose that makes up for the past like. 3-4 weeks that we’ve barely hung out.

it’s fine though cause she got the christmas present she cared about ig.

not even going to ask if she plans to spend the night because i know no matter what it’ll just cause more hurt

😭

i’m a faggot :3

meow

god i really need private posts on my website so i can post these kinds of thoughts lol

do friends ever kiss in miitopia

holy fuck servicenow is the worst thing ever created

what’s the point if anytime i feel any amount of hope it just. gets crushed?

is anything ever going to happen? is she ever going to spend the night again? come to my apartment again? is nas nas even going to happen?

yeah i might actually just cry when i get home. idk.

idk why i ever have hope of anything.

i want to cry.

what’s the point…

:deadAnya:

will my website upload the svg lol

i cant self isolate i cant self isolate i cant self isolate i cant self isolate i cant self isolate i cant self isolate i cant self isolate

ok solution: skip the list of people luna is following (sorry) and also stop after 10 requests to get follows

(also if anyone cares, the submitted graph thingy i have to submit has to be pseudonyms so ill probably just hash the did or something to get those)

trying to do an assignment for a class and i need to make a graph from my social media follows/followers and uh.

i hit the rate limit. lol

mmm tried looking at flights for next summer.

i am extremely annoyed by delta.com now

think i might be dyslexic cause i just read 1 cup as 2 cups

anyways i have destroyed this cake mix i think. and i don’t have enough eggs to try again.

olive oil is the same as vegetable oil right

fuck it

im making cake.

nothing better to do

hhh i don't understand why she deals with me tbh...

fuckkk i was trying to find a message from my girlfriend and of course there's some from my ex where she's like. accusing me of lying and how she must be right and just. god it hurts so much still...

huh. there's no frontrows even being sold on ebay. that's surprising.

everyday i wake up and wonder why the FUCK a networking company makes a fucking video editing app and a photo editing app.

and then i remember what they took from us. frontrow. and i am sad.

glad im getting a slightly better paying job now with more hours. maybe i'll be able to save enough this semester for us to do a trip this summer :3 (very wishful thinking but i think it could happen...)

i swear i keep seeing this person on campus that looks like my terrible ex

tbh i might cry rn just cause im thinking about like. how is my girlfriend so kind and sweet and gentle and aaaa :pleadingcat:

i love her so fucking much :pleadingcat: i have no idea what i'd do without her...

hate myself

why am i such a fucking failure

failure failure failure failure failure failure failure

hhhh if i did that she wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore.

i’d be lonely forever. but she’d be happier. and she wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore.

i’m such a fucking failure

can i just like. sleep forever. everyone forget about me…

seems to already happen so

terrible terrible terrible stupid stupid stupid awful terrible fucking terrible person

hate myself hate myself hate myself

just spent over 20 minutes walking in a circle

the self hate is strong today

i can't self isolate i can't self isolate i can't self isolate i can't self isolate i can't self isolate i can't self isolate i can't self isolate i can't self isolate i can't self isolate

life is difficult

been sitting here for like an hour with my hrt just sitting on my desk because i don't have enough water in my glass and so i've just been waiting for the ice in it to melt

hhh i always get my hopes up too much.

and i didn’t even think i was being that hopeful. but it still hurts.

sometimes i'll have little conversations with my girlfriend's squishmallows she gives me even though they are boring and won't respond to me smh

(most of the conversations are just me going "nea,,, :pleadingcat:" tbh)

thinking about how much i love nea now and like i might cry

she's so fucking sweet 😭

fitting that activity id 900 is that

ruining everything as usual (i’m so good at that!!)

mmm just laying in my bed rn thinking about my nea. and how fucking comfy it’d be to just. fall asleep next to her right now…

hope she can spend the night more next semester or for christmas maybe. just, would be so fucking nice aaa :pleadingcat:

god i love her so much…

the “thing associated with terrible person” to “reassociating that thing with nea” pipeline :pleadingcat:

at work rn and nea came to see me to say goodbye before she goes home, aaaaa i love her so fucking much :pleadingcat: how is she so sweet...

why is her solution to battery being in pocket but wanting to leave phone at table, to unplug it and leave the cable dangling from her pocket, instead of just taking the battery out of her pocket…

brain thinking too much again.

mmm i love my sweetheart so so so much…

i kinda have a guess of where she’s taking me. it’s probably incorrect though

which tbh i’m ok with. maybe she has somewhere more exciting in mind but idk where. and when i asked if it was spaghetti she said no.

but i’m a terrible mess

hhhh i wish i could be cute....

i think i go to bed now.

i'm sorry.

what if i just. emailed jazwares support to try and identify this squishmallow. would be very silly. idk.

learning there's a squishmallow with my deadname is not what i needed to make this day even worse

huh my brain is thinking again about the thing that i've only talked to like two people about ever and i really hate that because like there is a reason i have only ever talked to like two people about it ever

brain please stop 😭

i need more webcage tbh

sometimes i get distracted and my playlist reaches the not-webcage part and i am slightly annoyed

lmao this is so fucking funny (vague)

letting my girlfriend choose my middle name except she hasn’t figured out one still so i’m just middle name-less

weezer music feels so perfect for whatever mood this is

https://music.apple.com/us/album/undone-the-sweater-song/1440878798?i=1440879332

hhh i just want to cry.

it's so nice having gigabit internet tbh. like, at my parents' it's 100/100 which i was always fine with. but it feels so nice to just, look and see oh im pulling like 950Mb/s down from docker hub lol

i feel like i have done good the past couple of days :3 haven’t really been lonely and i haven’t been missing my girlfriend or being needy for her that much :3

i love my sweetheart she's so sweet and amazing and i love her so fucking much

just don't understand how it's possible for a girl to be so amazing, like, aaaaaa :pleadingcat:

what’s the point

blushing so much rn at the thought of living with her someday

about to cry (from happiness) just thinking about getting to live with my girlfriend some day... would be so cute...

kinda needy rn tbh

slight feeling of just. wanting to cry rn.

what if i just like. held her hand rn. that'd be so silly.

eepy and gay rn

she said maybe we could build a nas (network-attached storage) together someday :pleadingcat:

and then i thought of nascar (nea and saige car) for some reason…

NAS NAS: Nea and Saige Network-attached storage

oh, you're straight? that's so uh. uhhhhhh. homophobic. yeah that's so homophobic of you

i love how protected and safe i feel around my girlfriend tbh. or just like. having her jacket and squishmallows to hug makes me feel really safe too tbh. i love her so fucking much :pleadingcat:

reading a hacker news thread and like. the idea that developers who can only write react and not html is so insane to me. like. i’m sure they exist. but like, ???

gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :3 (me)

eepy puppy

my girlfriend and i are currently figuring out the insanity that is making a triangle with css

my girlfriend just said sqlite isn't real sql 😭

anyways postgres and stuff is fake. sqlite is the only real sql and is the only sql anyone ever needs

it’s 75f in here and i am freezing to death :deadAnya:

fuck it. i’ve been so fucking good for like, a really long time. and then when i have to spend a week with my shitty parents i want to die.

this is the most depressed i’ve been in a longggggg time

thinking now like. one time she spent forever making a blurred background thing. and like, ok the app does literally nothing still… why are you investing so much time in this??

reading a hacker news thread and there’s stuff about bandcamp and that just reminds me like. what happened to that bandcamp competitor my terrible ex was contracted for lol

the past week has been a great reminder of why i hate being with my parents.

constant misgendering. deadnaming. always upset with me for something.

regret.

sometimes i wonder like. if she understands just how much i love her :pleadingcat:

cause it’s like. really difficult to express in words i feel like >.< and also im scared that im too needy :(

she’s so amazing though :pleadingcat:

extremely upset with myself because my girlfriend and i were going to call tonight and i told myself i would not fall asleep before then

i fell asleep :(((((((((

saw a selfie of myself but for like 1/2 of a second i thought it was my girlfriend cause im wearing her jacket in it lol

i just wannya hold her hand rn tbh :pleadingcat: would be so cute and comfy :3